I just made out with a guy for $7.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
