He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We had sex on a dog bed..
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize