Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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