Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The feeling are messing with the penis
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
