This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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