the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
