Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
