I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
