I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
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