Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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