Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
