i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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