There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
