I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
either way he was missing a nipple.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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