DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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