you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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