I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
