i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
MIDGETS
????
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
