I'm lost and stupid without you.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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