Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it glows. i had to have it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
