I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
