hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
