Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
