Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
