3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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