so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's like iHOP with fire
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
