she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize