Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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