when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
