i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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