Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
