I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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