I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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