Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
