What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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