The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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