they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
