Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
