Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
