there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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