I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
where are you?
Hypothermia
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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