Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
