there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
she smelled like a LAN party
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
