My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please, let me fuck your mom
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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