dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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