I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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