I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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