There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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