I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
so much tequila, so little girl.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
