Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
