this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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