Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
40s are totally the cure
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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