I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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