I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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