woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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