So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
