obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
