just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
