Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
