i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
