Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I skipped work to stalk him.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
