How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
