Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
