but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
