R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
