Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
