bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
