Me too!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
