I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
