Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
