I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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