guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize