Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
