Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
