I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i've created a new STD.
50% drunk capacity currently
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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