No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
