I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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