I want to have your abortion
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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