She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
