He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
