Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
