I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
