i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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