He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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