idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize