I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
