I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
