Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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