yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
