Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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