Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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