went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize