I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
