Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
