Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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