so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My penis needs a shock collar
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
