My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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