I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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