hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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